


Learning Curve

by Socket



Category: Neighbours (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 01:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7199537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socket/pseuds/Socket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom has made Susan realise the value of so many things she'd taken for granted (series of Tom/Susan drabbles).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unravelling

**Timeline:** Episode 4508

Susan has scrubbed the whole house. She's surrounded by sparkling surfaces and plates that reflect her despondent expression. She wants to throw the spotless china at the wall, wants to rip the perfectly fluffed cushions apart, wants to scream with frustration: he has made his choice. He said 'I love you' and then chose the Church over her.

She's unravelling. She wonders how much rejection she can take, how long before breaking-point passes her by. Then she thinks of their return from the Amnesty conference and his words haunt her. "Let me do something for you, just so I don't feel like yet another useless male hanging around the ever capable Susan Kennedy."

She sits down - they all think she's infallible and it makes her want to cry but that would be too easy, too much like giving in and the one thing she's not is a quitter.

She hates feeling this helpless, then remembers what Lyn said – that she was clouding Tom's judgement and it pains her to think that by being around him she's making things worse. She doesn't want to be the cause of his self-doubt but he had stood in front of her and there was no confusion in his eyes as he said 'I love you'. The confusion came from what to do about those feelings.

She's slowly unravelling, maybe because Tom was so unexpected. She hadn't seen it coming until it was too late to run away and maybe she could have fooled herself; maybe she could have lied about this… if they hadn't kissed… she could have pretended it was one-sided, had no meaning, no possibility…

Susan stands and picks up a cloth, she starts on the cooker-top again. It still has a layer of film left, so she scrubs: tries to drive her restlessness away. She didn't expect to be hurt by him, not like this – rejection by default is unbearable. She finds herself running over and over their conversations, tries to hear what he wasn't saying, tries to uncover the clues she missed.

She stops for a moment and looks around the empty house, wondering why she always drives away those she loves most. Maybe it's a defective gene. Maybe she makes it easy for them – only expecting them to give what they can instead of demanding what she needs.

She wants to call Tom, wants to force answers from him: it's the uncertainty that's driving her insane. But she doesn't want to put her heart on the line again, doesn't want to act unscathed as he tells her he's decided to stay in the Church, that she was a mistake, that what they had was transitory, an error, and weren't they fortunate it hadn't gone too far?

She doesn't want to hear that because she knows it's probably true. Knows this whole thing is sheer lunacy. He was supposed to be a safety hold – steady and unobtainable – not her soul mate in-waiting.

She decides to phone him; to be assertive. She approaches the phone as Sindi walks through the front door.

"Hi," greets the cheery blonde.

Susan smiles. "Hey."

Sindi looks around the house. "Wow – this place is immaculate!"

Susan feels uncomfortable, as if all her secrets have been exposed. "I had some spare time," she explains.

Sindi looks unconvinced.

"Fancy a cuppa?" Susan offers.

"I'm fine thanks, just have a little work to do and then I think some serious vegging-out is in order."

Sindi spreads her work out over the dinning table and Susan heads back to the cooker; cloth in hand.


	2. Learning Curve

**Timeline:** Episode 4529

She's got that stupid joke stuck in her head. Karl told it to her on their first date. _There was a Priest, a Rabbi and a Tsar._ It's been circling her brain all day, she can't fathom why.

She doesn't think of Karl very often anymore, it's such a relief not to hate him so venomously. Not to waste hour after hour wondering what she could have done differently. She wants to heal and she thinks maybe this is the beginning of that: she doesn't have to pretend that she's moved on, because she has.

But that joke won't go away. It keeps returning.

Tom's made her realise the value of so many things she'd taken for granted. The world, her world, doesn't revolve around Karl and Isabelle anymore. She'd forgotten that, had gotten lost in her grief. Tom led her back from the brink and she'll always love him for that: for his timing. For knowing she needed him as much as he needed her.

Her life with Karl is a faint echo.

Her life with Tom feels like borrowed time but whatever the outcome, she wouldn't change a moment. She feels balanced and Susan likes this new-found independence. She's had her family; raised her children - sent them off into the world and Karl soon followed.

She's with Tom now but she's been through too much to depend solely on someone else for her happiness. She won't make that mistake again.

*************

When Tom takes her out for dinner that evening, she tells him the joke.

"There was a Priest, a Rabbi and a Tsar," she begins.

"You need new material Susan – that joke's archaic!" he teases.

She smiles to herself, he's right and she promises herself she won't think on it again. Like so many things, it has no place in her life now.


	3. Outcast

**Timeline:** Everything up to episode 4536

He has to do this alone, he sees that now. He has to break away from her if they are ever to have a future. He needs to find out who he is, then he'll come back to her. Then he'll be worthy of her – a whole person, not a half-soul over dependent on her.

She'll be his guide, the memory of her will spur him on. He wants her to be proud of him, to see that it's because he loves her that he has to leave.

Choosing Susan was only the beginning, now the real battle is starting and he hopes he has enough fight in him, hopes she has enough faith in him: that he'll always be hers, that he'll come back one day. That when 'one day' comes, she'll still want him.

He's scared to let go, afraid to hurt her; she's still so raw from Karl. And maybe Karl is why he's really leaving – Susan's the only one to send him spinning into loves abyss, but she had been there before, had a life he has no understanding of and he's jealous. He knows Karl is her past, but he's still jealous because he can't compete with thirty-years of history, no matter how tightly he holds her or how often she assures him that he is who she wants to be with.

Sometimes, he feels like he shares her, sees the fleeting looks she throws in the direction of her ex-husband. Sees the pain still fresh, bubbling under her calm surface… and it makes him love her more, but makes it harder to be around her, and saying 'I love you' is starting to feel hackneyed, he still means it but the sentiment keeps getting lost in their day-to-day routine.

Sometimes he feels like an intruder in her life. Like he shouldn't be there; he's an outsider and maybe he should have more patience, wait it out longer but instinct tells him to go. So much has changed and he needs time alone to get his bearings. He's spinning out of control and he can't tell where north is anymore. He needs time to himself, needs to find a common ground between his faith and her. Something that works, something that he can live with. Then he'll come back.


End file.
